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How To End Your Relationships
PolyNYC Meeting facilitated by Joe Bisz
April 24, 2006
If you missed this meeting, take a few minutes now to slowly read these
questions to yourself and reflect on what your answers might be!!
Quick context: Why do we even want to start a relationship, as
opposed to remaining single, or keeping the relationships we have?
Obviously there are many advantages.
1) At the PolyLiving 2005 Conference, Cherie Ve Ard said "I do not
consider relationships a failure if they do not last forever."
Q: Does every significant relationship that ends have to be
considered a "failed" relationship? Can it still feel like that,
emotionally? (Make sure they bring up "redefining" a relationship.)
2) (Define the word PRIMARY and SECONDARY.)
Q: What makes a person "primary" rather than "secondary" for you?
What must we "get" for someone to be primary, or to stay primary?
(Consider bringing up Buddhist idea of lovingkindness and accepting
all. Maybe bring up idea of making demands, versus expecations?)
3) (Segue to this one after someone brings up 'longevity' or
'commitment' as a characteristic of primaries.)
Q: Do you consider yourself someone who looks for a "commitment," and
if so, why is that important to you, and what does it mean?
4) If your relationship starts to become "deprioritized" by your
partner, and you are getting less and less, what do you do? There is
often a pressure in mono and poly relationships to accept what you
have for the sake of the relationship. Maybe you used to be a
secondary, but now you feel like fourth rank. Could it be time to do
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