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What's the Big Deal?
Watching "Big Love" and Legalizing Polygamy
PolyNYC Meeting facilitated by Joe Bisz
June 21, 2006
This meeting started with a screening of the pilot episode of HBO's series "Big Love". Following the screening, the discussion was focused on the topics listed below.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS AND TOPICS
On HBO's Big Love:
1) Do you ever feel like you need to measure up to your partner's other primaries, or secondaries? (It's not exactly jealousy, but…) What if you can't do a good job at something, but someone else can? Have you ever felt like you were giving something unique to the relationship, then worried when you saw someone new giving that same quality? (How is this similar or different to any kind of shared duties, as in a splitting family responsibilities…?)
2) Is it possible for the personality of your partner to start to feel controlling, even if they don't mean it to feel that way? (What about life?) What's the difference between your partner making a demand of you and your partner having an expectation?
3) Especially for non-poly audience but also for polys:
There are many families where more than one adult is sharing the duties of running a household and raising children. What do one or two parents do for us? "Anyone grow up in a household where there were more than 2 adults raising you? What did you get out of this?" (uncles, grandma)
Conclusion: Different ways of life, including polygamy, are often associated with an abusive situation, and maybe it can be, just like monogamy and marriage, but there's also a more modern way of living polygamously, or living with respect and care for people.
On Articles about Polygamy
Read and summarized excerpts from "Big Love and Polygamy in Newspapers", especially about the "slippery slope from gay rights to polygamy rights" argument (see Stanley Kurtz's articles online, such as "Beyond Gay Marriage"). Read/summarized some quotes from poly listserve.
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